The Disaster of the New “I Know What You Did Last Summer” Reboot
A sequel/reboot to the classic slasher, I Know What You Did Last Summer tries to resurrect a story that should have remained in the 90s.
Last weekend Hollywood remembered it had been a solid minute since they’d fed us an unnecessary copy of an old success. This time, they visited the movie archive and dragged out a little film that was a thing back in the day. A project that was born and subsequently buried before the nineties were over, despite some attempts to keep it on life support. I’m talking about I Know What You Did Last Summer.
Released in 1997, the film tells the story of a group of four teenage friends that accidentally run someone over with their car. Instead of trying to get medical help or call the pólice, they decide to get rid of the body. However, a year later, one of the girls receives an anonymous note, revealing that someone else saw what happened that night. Soon enough, this unknown person begins to stalk and harass each of the friends involved, keen on making them pay with their lives for the crime they committed.
Despite its success at the time, the two sequels made between 1998 and 2006 were a complete failure. The last one went straight to DVD. But as in these modern days we cannot let anything die with dignity, in 2021 Amazon Prime released a TV series based on the same story. I don’t ever plan on watching it, but apparently it was a “modern retelling” instead of a direct sequel, featuring a new cast of characters. It also failed.
It seems that Hollywood has not had enough, because they did it again. A sequel/reboot/remake/whatever of I Know What You Did Last Summer hit cinemas last weekend.
What About The New One?
As usual, the newest version tiptoes the line between a tribute and a shameless copy with little talent.
The story revolves around five original characters who are involved in a car accident and choose to stay silent about it. The next summer, someone starts threatening them. You know the drill. It all happens in the same town as the original film.
This time around, it is acknowledged that the events of the 90s actually happened but have been mostly forgotten. There is an interest in keeping the case in the shadows because authorities fear it can scare tourism away. This point makes no sense, considering how people are attracted to tragedies; the more bloody and morbid, the better. They could offer a tour through all the places the murderer stood on and have a tourism boom in a heartbeat.
It is also stated that all records of the tragedy were “erased from the Internet” for the same reason. Which is impossible. Besides, if the characters grew up in that town, they should know all about the case. Because again, people love that stuff. In a small town, things like that become a legend. All these are just lame excuses to justify the existence of the movie.
And there is another point that prevents this reboot from working. In the original, the friends not only hit someone with the car, they also disposed of this person’s body in a lake, even after realizing that the person was alive. They did something horrible.
In the reboot, one of the characters has some guilt in causing the incident (by standing in the middle of the road), but the group tried to help the person inside the car before the vehicle fell off a cliff. So there is no real need to hide it from the police. I even doubt it was possible for someone to present charges against them. This makes even less sense because this time around the characters are not dumb teenagers; they are grown adults. The film does not mention the specific age of each character, but they all look around thirty. There is no excuse for them to behave like that.
So from its conception, the plot is shaky at best.
Gen Z is Ruining Films
In the original film, the incident visibly traumatizes the characters. I don’t think that project had solid character development, but the actors were able to convince me that they were struggling. These new people don’t care; they have no soul.
And with this, I’d like to point out something I’ve been noticing for some time now, something I can only describe as “genz-fycation” of the scripts. Characters with no discernible personality who speak like lifestyle influencers and that use a lot of Internet slang no one uses in real life. They are also perverts who, even in the most dire of situations, can only think about sex. I’m past irritation now; it’s beginning to worry me. I cannot understand how it can be possible for actual human beings to be writing these scripts.
Just One Question: Why?
To give you an example, in the first hour of the film, one of the girl’s fiancé is brutally murdered, and she is the one who finds the body. In a conversation that happens a few scenes later, she describes herself as a “sexy widow.”
A couple of minutes later, that same girl is attacked by the killer and beaten up, but even in her shock, she makes an effort to set up her two friends so they can hook up. An opportunity that said friends enthusiastically take. Remember, they have seen at least two dead bodies and had a close friend almost killed that very same day. The killer is after them, and they could be next. But the movie shows us an entire scene where those two have a misunderstanding about what they enjoy in bed. Because earlier, there was another scene to let us know that one of the main girls was bisexual.
Would you mind producing some stuff for us normal people again? We are your real audience!
The movie never establishes a comedic tone, which would account for some ridiculous situations. The project takes itself seriously and cracks random, out-of-place, completely tone-deaf comments through the characters’ mouths. This is not humor; it’s bad writing.
And just like that, movies of all genres are becoming young adult dramas. This one in particular looks like some trashy direct-to-streaming film you could find on Netflix.
To make it more irredeemable, the young actors of these days are thoroughly forgettable. Everybody looks similar; everybody’s performance is the same. I stared at their faces for two hours, and I would be incapable of identifying them in a line of suspects. All we know is that they are probably feminist and gay.
Rent Can’t Possibly Be That High
Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze Jr. reprise their roles in this remake, where they offer some soap-opera-core performances. Even Sarah Michelle Gellar comes back in a random dream flashback that lasts a minute. Brandy Norwood, who played Julie’s college roommate back in the day, also appears in a post-credit scene. Yes, this film has a post-credits scene.
I understand the studio must have paid them good money for being there two seconds, but they should be ashamed to appear on this thing. Instead of elevating the quality, they sink to the same depth as the younger actors. I hope the check was worth it.
A Slasher Lite
I Know What You Did Last Summer was created at a time when slashers were the most trendy. However, the slasher genre is not dead at all. Just in the past five years, films like Ti West’s X or the Terrifier franchise have found success among horror enthusiasts. There is an audience for this type of film. But honestly, I don’t see X or Terrifier fans enjoying this garbage.
First and foremost, what’s the point of a slasher if you refuse to kill characters? The concept of a slasher is to provide a thrilling experience when the characters are being stalked and killed. I’m well aware that the original film is not the most gruesome and violent in the genre, but at least they have enough nerve to get rid of some people!
In the reboot, many deaths happen off-camera. And if that wasn’t enough, the movie repents and brings dead characters back. During the last minutes of the running time, two girls in the group of friends die on camera. But in the very last scene, it is revealed they are both alive. I think they were trying to tease a sequel, which I hope dies in development hell.
The Ending, at Last!
Around fifteen minutes before the ending, the film gives you the first “plot twist”: one of the girls is the murderer. And why? Because the man that died in the accident was a friend of hers, and because the group stopped hanging out with her when she was having a difficult time.
Of course, you can immediately tell it’s bullshit, because there was no way a thin thirty-year-old woman could attack and murder as many people, some of whom were men twice her size. And I can remember at least one scene when she should have been in two places at the same time to make the plot twist plausible. It was obvious that there was someone else.
So, the second “plot twist” is that Ray is the actual murderer. Ray is Freddie Prinze Jr.’s character, one of the original survivors. And his reasons are even more stupid: he wants people to remember what happened in the 90s. He doesn’t like that the town wants to move on and be a tourist spot. And then, one of the young lads kills him.
In the final scene, the surviving female protagonists have a chat in which they discuss how all the problems could have been avoided if “men just went to therapy.” The end.
Box Office Numbers
So far, I Know What You Did Last Summer has made around $29.000.000 at the worldwide box office, counting on an $18.000.000 budget.
If it wasn’t clear, I despised this project with passion. This is not worthy of a big screen; it’s not worth a screen of any size, actually. I’m used to watching bad movies, but this time they managed to make me feel truly insulted. This is cheapness and mediocrity in its máximum expression. Avoid this film at all costs.
