“Kraven the Hunter”: The Last Nail in Sony’s Spider-Man Coffin

We thought Madame Web was bad, but Sony had yet another jewel ready for us to close 2024.

Summary

Escaping a childhood marked by his ruthless father, Sergei Kravinoff is in search of vengeance. He will become Kraven, the most prolific hunter in the world, and the terror of the criminals.

Another Spider-Man Movie, Without Spider-Man

Ever since its release, the response to Kraven the Hunter has been nothing short of disastrous. Critics and audiences alike have destroyed it on every available platform. There are several good reasons for it, and I’m not here to challenge those views. The truth is that the film is terrible, and the fact that Sony wants to charge us for it is outrageous.

That being said, I must confess I had a great time watching it.

As with Madame Web, the film is such a disaster that it becomes a piece of involuntary comedy. I was having a terrible week, and Kraven actually put a smile on my face. It’s so bad that it’s the perfect joke.

*Aaron Taylor-Johnson plays the title character, a man with a sad childhood who wants to punish criminals.*

For starters, the fact that things like this can get made and released by what is supposed to be a “serious studio” is still baffling to me, even after all the examples we’ve had these past few years. No one involved is taking the project seriously. From the writers to the director to the cast, everybody was there just for the check.

I’m not an expert when it comes to comics, but to my understanding, Kraven hunted animals. However, the film takes a new route: now Kraven hunts hunters. Very smart, uh? That way we can have some cool action scenes without offending the vegans. I can picture the writers high-fiving each other for coming up with such a genius idea.

And as usual, the writers forgot a very small supporting character that is supposed to be Kraven’s enemy: Spider-Man. Again.

A Lion Bit Him?

A good half-hour of the running time of Kraven the Hunter is spent on a flashback that shows our protagonist’s hard childhood. Kraven’s dad, played by Russell Crowe, is an example of “toxic masculinity.” He forces his two teenage sons to hunt, because killing animals makes “real men”. Even with his Russian accent, Crowe’s performance is the best.

*It’s kind of sad seeing Russell Crowe being reduced to roles on small horror movies and on Sony’s nonsense.*

When out hunting, a huge lion attacks young Sergei. Luckily for him, a girl named Calypso saves him with a mysterious serum. When the boy is back home, he starts to realize he has acquired animal instincts and abilities. That’s what I call one hell of an origin story. I’m not sure if the powers are due to the lion’s bite or to the serum, but if the film does not care, neither do I.

That is how Sergei Kravinoff flees his toxic father and becomes Kraven, a merciless hunter that uses his abilities to kill criminals. We don’t know how, but he seems to teleport from one end of the world to another when the script requires it.

Sony Could Not Care Less

But that was not enough for good old Sony and his no-spider man universe. They had to make the mess bigger, to the point the project would be irredeemable.

So, of course, the special effects are mediocre. Kraven the Hunter looks like a film made twenty years ago. I thought the lion carrying young Kraven was going to be the oddest thing, but the rhino’s transformation was even worse. The dialogues are so half-ass that you have to laugh. Remember how last year the writers went on strike because they wanted to be paid more? Because I do. And I find it hard to believe that not one but two people were credited for writing this garbage. Of course AI will replace those morons; they have no idea what a script is!

*Between Kraven the Hunter and Gladiator II, Fred Hechinger did not make the best impression this year.*

And there’s the fair share of nonsense that seems too stupid to be real, but it is. For example, Dmitri, Kraven’s very cowardly and feminine young brother, owns a bar where all the criminals meet for drinks. He grew up to be some sort of frustrated theater kid, so he goes on stage every night to sing for his clients. When he sat at the piano to cover a Harry Styles’ song, it cracked me up. I’m sure that is the kind of environment mafia people adore after some illegal activity! Why are you like this, Sony?

Aaron Taylor-Johnson flaunting his muscles but keeping the same facial expressions for two hours also becomes hilarious after a while. The final scene, when he poses in front of the mirror with his new outfit, made me laugh out loud. You can’t get any lamer than that.

Box Office and Critical Response

As expected, everybody hated Kraven the Hunter. The few who saw it anyway.

With a budget of over $100.000.000 (somewhere between $110.000.000 and $130.000.000 depending on the source), Sony’s last project made a sad $45.612.877 at the worldwide box office. Not a surprise.

What makes it even funnier is the fact that they had the gal to hint at a sequel at the end of the film. Sony has some nerve, that’s for sure, but we already know it is not happening.

In conclusion, Kraven the Hunter is yet another proof that the entertainment industry is broken. This is not worth any money, and its failure is well deserved. However, if you want to have a good laugh, I 100% recommend you this movie. Just wait until it’s online; it won’t be long now.